自由。

很久沒在這裡寫東西了，2014和2015發生了許多事情，所以連每年都會寫的生日快樂也不想寫。
今天突然想寫些東西，但要寫什麼我也不知道。
其實年紀越大反而越不敢說出自己心中的事情，擔心和顧慮總讓我選擇把事情放在心裡，所以連網誌我也越來越少更新。

還好以前有寫東西的習慣，讓我有時候可以回頭看看自己以前的樣子，然後羨慕著那時候的我，因為快樂的、傷心的，現在回頭看都是豐富自己人生的回憶。

I'm not sure if it's an old saying or it's simply a common thing that happens to most people, but I've experienced it a lot, which is "things you're not good at will always come back to you."

Now I think back to those things I couldn't do well, they almost always come back to me at certain points, and I wished I had put more effort to learn it thoroughly. However, time is not going to roll back for anyone. Did you ever feel that you have the same situation like me?

When I encounter something I don't feel comfortable to work with, or when I feel like giving up acquiring new skills, I have to remind myself if I don't learn it now, I will regret in the future, and even worse, I still need to face the same problem later on.

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如同往常，今年也要寫一篇祝自己生日快樂。
上一篇的生日快樂都還在同一頁，我還真是很懶得更新部落格。

今年發生了許多事。
六月份畢業，這一張畢業證書想不到我讀了七年才拿到，前陣子才收到學校寄來的畢業證書，一張有點質感又有些厚度的紙，有一個金色的校徽，加上四個「重要的人物」的簽名，我的名字印在上面，看著它感慨的想「原來我花費的時間和金錢就是為了這一張所謂的文憑」。我看完後把它放在早就買好的木框裡，本來想把它掛在牆上，但後來還是把畢業證書連同木框放回紙盒中，然後又把它擺在書桌的桌腳旁。

從2008年開始做的第一隻咖啡色的兔子到現在，居然做了四年多的鉤針娃娃。
一開始完全是誤打誤撞的情況下開啟了我對鉤針娃娃的興趣。

2008年的寒假，也是在美國的第一個寒假，當時無聊得發慌，手上有做圍巾剩下的毛線，想著應該拿來做些甚麼東西來打發時間。在網路上發現了「鉤針娃娃」這個新玩意，然後搜尋了許多教學，其中Bonnie的教學最簡單易懂，加上她還分享了許多可愛的免費編織圖，我就一股腦的投入了鉤針娃娃的世界。

I moved back home to Oakland yesterday, and I immediately felt the pressure about staying home jobless.
This is what the reality is: people judge you by your job, your title, your income, but seldom your true value within you.

My parents have rarely pushed me about anything, but my grandfather seemed not satisfied with me studying for such a long time and not being able to find a job right after college. He didn’t even know if I was younger or older than my younger cousin, who is two years younger than me. I just graduated this year, but she has been working for almost two years; I guess that confuses my grandfather.

果真是一年一次。去年五月電腦中毒，今年則撐到了六月，哈哈哈。


這次的症狀比較輕微，更新了RealPlayer後，大部分的中文網頁都出現亂碼。不管是Chrome、IE、Firefox都一樣，但奇怪的是PCMan卻沒有問題。把編碼從UTF-8換成Big5也是一樣亂碼，還更亂！ XD

鄉愁不單單只是「我愛台灣」這樣簡單而已。
來美國將屆滿五年的這個時候，我第一次寫鄉愁。並不是以前從沒有想念家鄉的感覺，而是那種感覺好複雜，好難去描述，所以我一直沒有辦法清楚寫出我的想法。
經過五年後，想念家鄉的心情從來沒有改變過，可是對於鄉愁這兩個字，有了更深一層的想法。

前兩天看了張小燕訪問蔣勳的節目，蔣勳講了他自己對於鄉愁的看法。他在去法國巴黎後才發現他的鄉愁是台灣，他覺得童年和青少年的記憶會陪伴你一生，然後到某一個年齡會不斷的讓你知道那是最初滋養你的東西。在他散步在巴黎街頭的某天，聞到了泥土和青草被太陽曬過的味道，突然有種想哭的感覺，然後他想起了台灣。

上學讀書這件事情從四、五歲上幼稚園後就佔據了大部分的人生，也成為一件再理所當然不過的事情。但再過一個月，我就要正式脫離學生這個身分，心中充滿了複雜的情緒。


不知道這樣算是幸運還算是不幸，我雖然不是特別聰明但還算會讀書，從小學三年級之後就一直有讀書的壓力，父母從來沒有要求我的學業表現，但是我倔強又好勝的個性成為我努力讀書的動力。我努力拿名次並非為了實質的獎勵，因為我的父母很少會因為成績而給我獎勵，所以有很長一段時間，我是為了愛慕虛榮以及不服輸在讀書的。

I went to Student-Alumni Career Day this morning. It was great, and because I attended last year, I knew what it would be like and what I should dress, act, say etc. Also, I knew more people this time, which is a sign of being senior, so I felt more comfortable being in such an occasion.

Networking is important, I know it, and that’s why I attended the Career Day even though I didn’t like to socialize with people. Yeah, I’m socially awkward. But I told myself I had to do it.

One thing I brought back home was that, finding a job is all about selling yourself. I know finding a job is really about marketing and selling myself, but for some reason, I don’t really want to “sell” myself. Unfortunately, in the business field, everything is about sales, so I better get over the word “selling.”